I sometimes hear from people who greatly regret having an affair and who
now want to undo the damage and turn their attention to saving their
marriage. Often though, while their intentions may well be genuine, the
situation itself can be quite tricky. They often wonder what is the best
way to break things off with the other person. There's often a concern
that the other person won't take it well or may even attempt to
retaliate. This can leave the cheating spouse asking themselves whether
it's better to just abruptly break things off without much explanation
of if they should explain things and risk an undesirable reaction or
outcome.
I heard from a wife who said: "I've been having an
affair with a guy from my job. Actually, for the last two months, things
have cooled down between us. My husband has had a health scare and it
has made me realize how much I love my husband and how much I don't want
to lose him. I want him in my life and I know that continuing the work
relationship is putting that in jeopardy. So my number one priority
right now is saving my marriage. But I'm wondering if I need to explain
this to the guy at work. Part of me thinks it's best if I just cut off
all contact with him. We don't work in the same department so it's not
like I see him all of the time or have to interact with him. If I told
him I was going to try to save my marriage, I'd be worried that he would
try to contact my husband or would try to make my life difficult at
work. But if I give him an explanation, that's just inviting him into my
life and into my marriage. And it might leave the whole thing up for
debate. He has been there for me during some hard times. He's not an
awful person. I don't want to behave like a jerk. But my marriage is my
priority. Do I need to tell this guy why I'm breaking it off?"
This
seems like a simple question, but there are at least two concerns here.
The wife wanted to know how much of an explanation you owe someone with
whom you've had an affair. She also wanted to know how to end the
affair so that it had the least impact on her life moving forward and
gave her the greatest chance of saving her marriage. I will cover both
questions below.
How Much Of An Explanation Do You Owe The Other
Person? This really is matter of personal preference depending upon your
comfort level and the nature of the relationship. Since an affair is by
definition not admirable behavior, there's really no proper etiquette
for it, so in my opinion this shouldn't be your first concern.
The
wife said that the relationship had already begun to cool a bit on its
own. So it was possible that the other man wouldn't be all that upset
about it ending or require a long, drawn out explanation. It's my
opinion that it's probably to every one's benefit to tell the other
person that the relationship should end because it isn't the right
course of action for either of you. It was simply a mistake that can be
corrected by ending it now. No one can really argue with that logic and
it doesn't get too personal or specific. You've given them the courtesy
of an explanation which doesn't invite a long debate. Sure, they may ask
you if you're ending it has anything to do with your spouse or your
marriage, but since your relationship is over, this isn't their business
or concern.
Protect Your Marriage And Your Spouse: Here is where
it can get tricky. You want to set it up so that they aren't overly
interested in your spouse or in your marriage. The last thing you want
is for this coworker to start calling your husband or inserting himself
into your marriage. This isn't fair to your husband (who has done
nothing wrong) and it's awful for your marriage.
So, you don't
want to get so defensive about this that it encourages more interest or
shows them your vulnerability in this area. If the other man asks about
your marriage or your spouse, repeat that you're ending things because
you know that your actions are wrong and being deceitful is taking its
toll.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7223754
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