I sometimes hear from people who have theoretically been forgiven for
their cheating or having an affair, but who don't feel as if their
spouse is truly sincere about any forgiveness that's been offered.
I
heard from a wife who said: "last year I had an affair with one of our
mutual friends. I am not completely sure what possessed me to do this. I
love my husband more than anything. But he was going through a huge
productivity cycle at his job and he was never home. I suppose I was
lonely. And I felt ignored and unappreciated. Sometimes, my husband's
friend would come over to spend time with him and, when my husband was
too busy for either of us, we ended up spending time together. I think
we both felt a little rejected by my husband. This doesn't in any way
make our affair right though. I confessed everything to my husband and I
have gone above and beyond to make this up to him. For the past year, I
have done everything in my power to make him feel secure, valued, and
loved. About six months after the affair, we were having a romantic
dinner and he actually told me that he forgave me. I asked him
repeatedly if he was sure about this and he insisted that he was. Well, I
was very relieved and appreciative. But frankly, it's obvious that he
doesn't really forgive me. He's so hot and cold around me. I know that
he holds back. He's often sarcastic and he watches me like a hawk when
I'm around other men even when he is right there. Sometimes he says or
does mean things that I know are just meant to hurt me because of the
affair. I know that he doesn't trust me. But I'm not sure what I can do.
He's said that he's forgiven me so what's the point of me continuing to
ask for forgiveness? But in my heart, I know that I'm anything but
forgiven. What can I do? I want to feel adored by him again. I don't
want to see the hurt in his eyes. I want to feel spontaneous with my
husband rather than walking on egg shells all of the time."
The
topic of this email isn't uncommon. This happens to many couples who are
trying to recover from infidelity. It's not impossible to move past
this. I'll discuss this more below.
Often, Your Spouse Isn't
Lying When They Say That They Forgive You: Many people wonder why their
spouse would offer up insincere forgiveness. I have been on the other
side of this situation (as the faithful spouse) and I can tell you that
much of the time, we are being quite sincere when we concede
forgiveness. We do this because we really do want to move on and we want
to let the anger and resentment go. We just want to feel normal again.
And often, we say these words when we're having a particularly good day
with our spouse.
But here's the thing. When we're recovering from
the affair, our feelings and our emotions can fluctuate wildly. One
day, we might begin to feel some hope and some potential. But perhaps
the next day, the sadness and the doubts will get the better of us and
this is when we feel our frustration creeping back up again. It's common
for us to take these feelings out on our spouses.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7220335
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