I sometimes hear from people who are not at all buying their spouse's
excuse for cheating when the two of them were living apart. Often, jobs,
responsibilities, or circumstances outside of their control mandate
that they have to live separately for awhile. Often, there was no clear
understanding that these living arrangements meant that the marriage was
ending or that the couple was separated. This misunderstanding can
become really important when one of the spouses cheats and relies on the
living situation as justification.
A comment that you might hear
in this situation is something like: "my husband was laid off last
year. We held on for as long as we could, but we were at risk of losing
our home after about six months of unemployment. My husband was offered a
temporary job out of state and we really had no choice but for him to
take it. Housing and food are included in his salary so everything that
he was making could be sent home. Well, one day recently, he texted me
and it was clearly a text that was not meant for me. He accidentally
texted me an email that was meant for the woman he has been cheating on
me with. When I confronted my husband, he said that we were as good as
separated since we hardly ever see one another and are no longer living
together. He said that he was lonely and that I shouldn't blame him. I
was stunned by this. I am obviously well aware of our living situation.
But I just saw it as something that we had to do. Our marriage did go
through a rough period because of the stress of never having enough
money. But I never thought that we were on the verge of breaking up. And
I never considered myself to be separated. I honestly thought that once
his temporary job was over, he would come home and we would resume our
married life since we would now get to keep the house. Now, my husband
is alluding to the fact that he might just stay where he is. I'm floored
and enraged by this. To me, this is cheating, the same way it would be
cheating if we lived together. I certainly wouldn't cheat on my husband
just because he wasn't living with me. Where do we go from here?"
I
certainly can give an opinion on this, but I can't make a decision
about moving forward, as this is a decision that only the couple
themselves could make. What ultimately happened in the future was going
to depend upon what they both wanted moving forward. The husband had
indicated that he may stay put in his new home, but this could honestly
be posturing. He may have said that just to put in the wife in the
position to be begging him to come home.
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Saturday
Traded In For A Younger Woman: 7 Tips To Move Beyond The Hurt
Every woman will experience challenges in their relationship for a
variety of reasons. From the fat that begins to pad the body, the lack
of financial stability to the discovery of that nest of crows feet
lining the side of her eyes, nothing could ever prepare a woman for the
challenge of being left for a younger woman! Being cheated on is
horrible, and probably only plays a secondary role to being cheated on
and then left for a younger woman.
Many Factors Affect Why Men Leave
There are so many factors and possibilities for why women are abandoned in long time relationships for their more youthful counterparts. The midlife crisis for the male can be a booger for the bruised ego, that has to face the fact that the clock is ticking, the physical strength diminishing and the earnings potential is often lessening. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are the struggles with female intimacy and her belief that she is less attractive, which helps to saw away at the connection that once brought the couple together.
Women Are Often Defined By Partners
Often times a woman's life is defined by her partner, her children and the capacity to be the glue that holds a household and family structure together. As that family structure begins to require less oversight and maintenance so does the requirement for the female that once served as the linchpin for her family. As children grow up, prepare for college, and the age for retirement solidification become more apparent so does the realization of intolerable behaviors, habits and mannerisms of long time female partners.
Being Traded For A Younger Model
For any woman who finds herself faced with the realization that she is being traded in for a more youthful version, the blow to the heart can be devastating. However for many women growing in age, the mere thought of being left for a younger woman can strike a blow that leaves a woman scrambling. Such situations can leave a woman feeling alone, misunderstood and empty. These feelings can be difficult if not impossible to overcome and if she does not care for herself during such troubling times, it could create such a deep feeling of resentment and grief that those feelings could become nearly impossible to move beyond
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7971907
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Many Factors Affect Why Men Leave
There are so many factors and possibilities for why women are abandoned in long time relationships for their more youthful counterparts. The midlife crisis for the male can be a booger for the bruised ego, that has to face the fact that the clock is ticking, the physical strength diminishing and the earnings potential is often lessening. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are the struggles with female intimacy and her belief that she is less attractive, which helps to saw away at the connection that once brought the couple together.
Women Are Often Defined By Partners
Often times a woman's life is defined by her partner, her children and the capacity to be the glue that holds a household and family structure together. As that family structure begins to require less oversight and maintenance so does the requirement for the female that once served as the linchpin for her family. As children grow up, prepare for college, and the age for retirement solidification become more apparent so does the realization of intolerable behaviors, habits and mannerisms of long time female partners.
Being Traded For A Younger Model
For any woman who finds herself faced with the realization that she is being traded in for a more youthful version, the blow to the heart can be devastating. However for many women growing in age, the mere thought of being left for a younger woman can strike a blow that leaves a woman scrambling. Such situations can leave a woman feeling alone, misunderstood and empty. These feelings can be difficult if not impossible to overcome and if she does not care for herself during such troubling times, it could create such a deep feeling of resentment and grief that those feelings could become nearly impossible to move beyond
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Wrong Lessons From Trojan War
It is frequently stated that Helen and Paris brought on the Trojan War.
But what actually started the war was Menelaus's possessiveness. I've
gone to great lengths to do away with possessive tendencies in myself,
out of a calculus that the world will be better without such things.
And, for me, it has been.
If people have greater personal freedom, the world will be a better place. To make possible personal freedom, it is necessary to do away with what stands in the way of personal freedom. Jealousy and possessiveness in relationships is one of the major obstacles to personal freedom; and for a better world to exist this must be done away with.
Who is more in the wrong: Someone who falls in love with a married woman, or someone who bothers the whole country to go to war because his wife has left? My wife has left. I am not bothering anyone about it. Instead I wish her well and help out with the kids when I can.
If I can do this, then so can the next man. The Trojan epic has influenced the world wrongly, glorifying jealousy and possessiveness and persecuting freedom and love. The world will be a better place if the wrongful lessons of the Trojan war be unlearned, and the matter be put into perspective: Namely that the cause of that war was not Helen and Paris falling in love, but Menelaus thinking that his possessiveness justified getting the whole country into war and destroying a whole city.
One claim we frequently see is that Helen and Paris were guilty of "hubris." Much greater hubris is shown by the person who thinks that his possessive interests justify having tens of thousands people killed. Indeed the same kind of hubris is shown by most people who attack what they think to be "vanity." We see for example in many schools children attacking serious students because they think that they are "know-it-alls" or "think they're better than everyone else." Who is more guilty of hubris: The serious student or the person who thinks that he speaks for "everyone else" - 7 billion people, most of them nothing like him? Real hubris is shown by those who think that their possessive interests justify violence and oppression. And it is a far greater hubris than any of which they accuse their enemies.
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And, for me, it has been.
If people have greater personal freedom, the world will be a better place. To make possible personal freedom, it is necessary to do away with what stands in the way of personal freedom. Jealousy and possessiveness in relationships is one of the major obstacles to personal freedom; and for a better world to exist this must be done away with.
Who is more in the wrong: Someone who falls in love with a married woman, or someone who bothers the whole country to go to war because his wife has left? My wife has left. I am not bothering anyone about it. Instead I wish her well and help out with the kids when I can.
If I can do this, then so can the next man. The Trojan epic has influenced the world wrongly, glorifying jealousy and possessiveness and persecuting freedom and love. The world will be a better place if the wrongful lessons of the Trojan war be unlearned, and the matter be put into perspective: Namely that the cause of that war was not Helen and Paris falling in love, but Menelaus thinking that his possessiveness justified getting the whole country into war and destroying a whole city.
One claim we frequently see is that Helen and Paris were guilty of "hubris." Much greater hubris is shown by the person who thinks that his possessive interests justify having tens of thousands people killed. Indeed the same kind of hubris is shown by most people who attack what they think to be "vanity." We see for example in many schools children attacking serious students because they think that they are "know-it-alls" or "think they're better than everyone else." Who is more guilty of hubris: The serious student or the person who thinks that he speaks for "everyone else" - 7 billion people, most of them nothing like him? Real hubris is shown by those who think that their possessive interests justify violence and oppression. And it is a far greater hubris than any of which they accuse their enemies.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7972201
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I Want To Get The Other Woman Out Of My Husband's Mind - But How?
I sometimes hear from wives who are not only dealing with insecurities
about themselves and their own desirability after their husband's
affair, they are also having the worry about their husband still
thinking about (or longing after) the other woman. They worry that this
means that he's not ever going to truly be happy at home. And that he's
always going to think that she is the one that got away, and the one who
he would truly want if only things were different.
I might hear a comment similar to this one: "my husband cheated on me with a woman who was a little younger and perhaps a lot prettier. I know that he still thinks about her. In fact, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he still thinks about her. But he has promised to stay with me because of our kids. And I believe that he is trying to be a good husband and to make our marriage better. I honestly believe that he does love me. He just may not lust after me in the same way that he lusts after her. But I believe that we have a compelling history and I know that he is committed to our family. I know that I should try to be happy with this. But knowing that he is always remembering her bothers me so much. It's like I can never really have peace or enjoy my husband because she is always between us. I want him to forget about her. I have even tried to dig up dirt on her to prove to my husband that she isn't as great as he thinks. But it hasn't worked. I catch him having a far away look on his face all of the time and I know that he is thinking of her. It makes me so fearful and sad. Is there any way that an everyday wife can make a man forget about the affair who he thinks was his dream woman?"
So many things about this make me sad. But most of all, it saddens me that this wife saw herself as less than the other woman. It was almost as if she were conceding that the other woman had something that she didn't or that the other woman already had her beaten. When you have this attitude, not only can you be wrong, but you can project that attitude onto your husband, which is actually the last thing that you want.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7736581
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I might hear a comment similar to this one: "my husband cheated on me with a woman who was a little younger and perhaps a lot prettier. I know that he still thinks about her. In fact, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he still thinks about her. But he has promised to stay with me because of our kids. And I believe that he is trying to be a good husband and to make our marriage better. I honestly believe that he does love me. He just may not lust after me in the same way that he lusts after her. But I believe that we have a compelling history and I know that he is committed to our family. I know that I should try to be happy with this. But knowing that he is always remembering her bothers me so much. It's like I can never really have peace or enjoy my husband because she is always between us. I want him to forget about her. I have even tried to dig up dirt on her to prove to my husband that she isn't as great as he thinks. But it hasn't worked. I catch him having a far away look on his face all of the time and I know that he is thinking of her. It makes me so fearful and sad. Is there any way that an everyday wife can make a man forget about the affair who he thinks was his dream woman?"
So many things about this make me sad. But most of all, it saddens me that this wife saw herself as less than the other woman. It was almost as if she were conceding that the other woman had something that she didn't or that the other woman already had her beaten. When you have this attitude, not only can you be wrong, but you can project that attitude onto your husband, which is actually the last thing that you want.
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Coping With Infidelity: The Things The Cheating Spouse Must Take Care Of
Surviving an extramarital relationship usually means among other things
that you happen to be having to pay for somebody else's wrong choice.
You will discover loads of work to be done after the extramarital relationship since due to your behavior you have done a great deal of harm to your marital relationship which hangs by a thread.
However after talking things over they've made the decision to remain with you. This means that there's a lot of hard work ahead with regards to coping with an affair. In spite of true love and hard work there are no assurances that life will ever be the same or that the spousal relationship itself will continue. But to ensure that it will proceed in the right direction and beyond you will need to be prepared to accept specific guidelines.
1. Stop The Dishonesty
No question stretching the truth was a major element of your toolkit. Let's be perfectly frank you can't successfully go on a marital affair without it.
But bear in mind making it through cheating means it needs to stop right this moment if you want to regain your spouse's trust. Any kind of untruth regardless how small that gets found out will demolish any attempt to fix the spousal relationship. If your wife or husband catches you in a little white lie then most likely they may assume that you are being untruthful concerning other stuff.
And none of that delusional garbage. You lied to shelter them or you didn't feel that it was a big deal. All of it adds up to the very same thing and that is you're returning to your old ways of deceit which brought you to cheat in the first place. The saying truthfulness is the best policy has to be the cornerstone of the marital relationship with regard to getting over infidelity.
2. Stop The Pity Party
You might think that all the far-reaching lifestyle changes that you are forced to undergo together with the monitoring system necessary to track your activities is not in accordance your actions. Therefore you begin to feel bad for yourself. You even make an effort to minimize your actions. Cheating on your mate was not all that bad you say to yourself. Definitely not compared to what you are being forced to go through at this juncture.
Stop it. You are not the one that was cheated on and pretending you are will only impede the recovery. Step back from the situation and make the concerted effort to not concentrate on you. Instead give attention to your mate and the way they feel. In overcoming an extramarital relationship rebuilding the marriage is the work of each party but the individual impacted the most is your spouse whom you were unfaithful to.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7978792
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You will discover loads of work to be done after the extramarital relationship since due to your behavior you have done a great deal of harm to your marital relationship which hangs by a thread.
However after talking things over they've made the decision to remain with you. This means that there's a lot of hard work ahead with regards to coping with an affair. In spite of true love and hard work there are no assurances that life will ever be the same or that the spousal relationship itself will continue. But to ensure that it will proceed in the right direction and beyond you will need to be prepared to accept specific guidelines.
1. Stop The Dishonesty
No question stretching the truth was a major element of your toolkit. Let's be perfectly frank you can't successfully go on a marital affair without it.
But bear in mind making it through cheating means it needs to stop right this moment if you want to regain your spouse's trust. Any kind of untruth regardless how small that gets found out will demolish any attempt to fix the spousal relationship. If your wife or husband catches you in a little white lie then most likely they may assume that you are being untruthful concerning other stuff.
And none of that delusional garbage. You lied to shelter them or you didn't feel that it was a big deal. All of it adds up to the very same thing and that is you're returning to your old ways of deceit which brought you to cheat in the first place. The saying truthfulness is the best policy has to be the cornerstone of the marital relationship with regard to getting over infidelity.
2. Stop The Pity Party
You might think that all the far-reaching lifestyle changes that you are forced to undergo together with the monitoring system necessary to track your activities is not in accordance your actions. Therefore you begin to feel bad for yourself. You even make an effort to minimize your actions. Cheating on your mate was not all that bad you say to yourself. Definitely not compared to what you are being forced to go through at this juncture.
Stop it. You are not the one that was cheated on and pretending you are will only impede the recovery. Step back from the situation and make the concerted effort to not concentrate on you. Instead give attention to your mate and the way they feel. In overcoming an extramarital relationship rebuilding the marriage is the work of each party but the individual impacted the most is your spouse whom you were unfaithful to.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7978792
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