I often hear from wives who are just beginning to attempt to come to
terms with their husband's affair. Often, they are at the stage where
they are trying to determine if they can ever trust their husband again
and, if so, if this means that they are going to choose to attempt to
save their marriage. And often, one very big concern that they have is
whether or not their spouse is ever going to cheat again. They wonder if
one episode of cheating means that he won't ever be faithful or if he
will continue to have more affairs.
An example of the type of
comment that I might hear is something like: "my husband had an affair a
couple of months ago. We've been to counseling. He seems very
remorseful. I truly would like to improve our marriage so that we are
able to reconcile and stay together. I still love him and we have
children. But I am so afraid that he will cheat again. I do not know if I
could go through this another time. And I know that if he betrayed me
again, I could never continue to live with him. So part of me thinks
that if I still with him, I am just delaying the inevitable. My mother
says that once a man cheats on you, he's shown you who he really is and
that he will never be able to be faithful again. She says that very few
men don't have another affair. However, our counselor has given us hope
that this just isn't true. She feels that with some work, my husband can
be rehabilitated and will be faithful for the long haul. Who is right?"
My
opinion isn't based on my being an expert. I have to make that clear.
I'm not a counselor, but I do have an opinion on this based on my own
life experiences and from the couples who leave comments on my blog. I
believe that the answer to this question is that it depends on many
factors. Both scenarios are possible.
I have seen men promise not
to cheat on their wives and literally say that they would rather jump
in front of a speeding bus than cheat again. And yet, years down the
road, they are dealing with yet another infidelity even though they
meant their words when they were promising to be faithful.
I've
also seen men who cheated once turn out to be completely faithful,
loyal, and loving husbands for the rest of their lives. Some would say
that the difference is that perhaps the faithful man never met another
woman with whom he wanted to cheat, so he remained faithful sort of by
default. I don't believe this for a minute. I believe that the husbands
who turn out to cheat once and to never cheat again are the husbands who
learn better impulse control, learn to not place themselves in tempting
positions, and learn to communicate with their wife in more efficient
ways so that their marriage isn't left vulnerable.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7706190
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