I sometimes hear from people who are desperately trying to come up with legitimate reasons to explain away having an affair.
Sometimes,
this request comes from the "other woman" or the "other man" in an
affair. Quite understandably, no one wants to be seen as a home wrecker
and no one wants to think that they ruined a decent and loving marriage.
You
might hear a comment like: "I knew that the man with whom I've been
having an affair is married. But I also know that their marriage is
dead. I know that they don't ever have sex and I know that his wife
doesn't love him and takes him for granted. I know that he has
repeatedly asked her for a divorce, which she refuses. Honestly, their
marriage is in name only. That's not to say that I don't feel guilty for
having a relationship with a married man, but I don't really see this
as a full blown affair. I truly don't. Because I firmly believe that
their marriage is in name only. Is it still an affair when the marriage
is only a formality at this point?"
I'll tell you my opinion on
this a little later, but before I do, I'd like to state that sometimes,
this concern comes from the cheating spouse. Often, they feel a bit
justified in their cheating because the marriage isn't completely
satisfying and they no longer feel involved or engaged with the
marriage.
You might hear something like: "my wife and I haven't
really been in love for the past five years. We still occasionally have
sex, but it isn't meaningful for either of us. It's certainly not good
or exciting sex. My wife probably knows that I'm only staying in the
marriage because of my kids and because of money. It's not a real
marriage. And that's why I feel that what I'm doing isn't really
cheating. I truly love the other woman. I'd like to create a future with
her. So is cheating really so horrible if your marriage is dead and
there's nothing left?"
Before I answer, I have to tell you that
I'm only giving you the opinion of a non objective wife who has been
cheated on. So to be fair, if you're looking for justification for
cheating, you're not going to find it in this article. I'm not trying to
imply that people who cheat are awful people or that they purposely set
out to destroy marriages or to hurt other people. Because I truly don't
believe this in most cases.
However, with this said, I don't
think that it is ever OK to cheat or have an affair. I understand that
your marriage may be awful and not fulfilling. I understand that you may
feel as if there is truly nothing left. I get that you might feel as if
the other person is your soul mate or the perfect fit for you and that
this opportunity may not ever come around again.
But here's
something that you may not know or may not have considered. Almost
always, if you were to ask the faithful spouse if she felt betrayed,
even considering the state of her marriage, she would say yes. She
wouldn't tell you that she felt her marriage was dead. She would be more
likely to tell you that she knew it had problems but she didn't expect
for her husband to cheat on her. And, there are two versions of every
marriage. Quite often, the faithful spouse doesn't see things in the
same way as the cheating spouse.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7702969
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