I often hear from spouses who are dealing with one additional and
unexpected problem that stemmed from their spouse's affair. The cheating
spouse is now afraid and paranoid that the faithful spouse is going to
cheat in retaliation or because she's no longer as committed to the
marriage as she once was. The faithful spouse often has no intention
whatsoever of cheating. In fact, cheating is actually less likely
because she sees just how much damage can be done. But she's often
having a very hard time of convincing her husband of the same.
You
might hear a comment like: "I've never cheated on anyone in my life.
And I never would. If I was that unhappy in a relationship, then I would
end it. But I'd never cheat on someone who I loved. My husband doesn't
understand this. Yes, I'm furious about his affair. Yes, I have doubts
about my marriage. But he thinks that this means that I am going to
cheat on him. And he can't stand the thought of that, which is very
hypocritical of him because I'm having to go through this recovery and
yet he is telling me that he could never even face the recovery. I have
been at my job for a very long time and I have always been close with
many male coworkers. This is not anything new. I've been going out with
the same group of people on Friday nights for multiple years and it has
never been a problem. But now apparently it is. Because now my husband
is totally paranoid that I am going to cheat on him. I am not going to
do that. I might decide to end my marriage because of his affair. But I
wouldn't begin a relationship with a new man before I ended my marriage.
No matter what I say or do, I can't get my husband to believe this. And
this is affecting our ability to save our marriage because I am so
annoyed by his accusations and suspicions. I haven't done anything wrong
and I have no intention of cheating. I think that cheaters are weak
people who are lacking in integrity and I definitely do not fall into
this category. How do I get him to accept this?"
I know that this
is a very difficult situation, but it's also a very common one. The
cheating spouse often is well aware that you might feel justified in
cheating. It would allow for him to see how it feels to be cheated on
and it would also confirm to you that you are still attractive and
desirable. I know that there are many people who are clear on the fact
that they would never cheat on their spouse even in retaliation (I am
one of those people,) but I have to tell you that I get a lot of
correspondence on my blog from people who are tempted to cheat in
retaliation even when they swore that they would never do this before.
So, honestly, your spouse isn't completely off base with this. It's
quite common for the faithful spouse to be tempted to cheat.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7689785
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